Invasion of the Homeless Pot Heads

January 17, 2014

I read with horror in the Pueblo Chieftain today that recent legalization of recreational marijuana has brought a wave of homeless migration to Pueblo.

Rose Mertz, envoy in charge of the local Salvation Army shelter, was interviewed and brought forth nearly unassailable evidence that this is indeed occurring here in Pueblo. In the Jan 7th Chieftain’s article by Peter Roper she states, “My instincts tell me that’s what’s going on”. As no stranger to the use of anecdote in place of actual research, the Pueblo Chieftain’s Editorial Board quickly pounced on this new perceived threat to Pueblo stating that “marijuana migration could have a negative impact on the health, safety and welfare of taxpaying residents of Pueblo.”

Clearly, the homeless will stop at nothing to get their marijuana fix through legal channels.

Never mind the ubiquitous availability of marijuana via black market dealers across the country. Never mind that purchasing marijuana legally at a licensed retail outlet adds a hefty price premium. Never mind that Pueblo does not offer convenient public transportation options from the Salvation Army’s homeless shelter on 13th Street to the handful of locations where legal marijuana is available within Pueblo County. Never mind that the homeless don’t have any money to purchase marijuana, let alone shelter, clothing, food or transportation. These facts are easily dismissed by the Chieftain when the morally indignant instincts of like-minded deep thinkers are taken into consideration.

Just how are these homeless marijuana junkies traveling to Colorado? Perhaps they emptied their burgeoning 401(k) accounts to secure first class one-way flights to America’s new Ganja Mecca. Perhaps the liberal elites in Hollywood and San Francisco conspired to charter a fleet of limousines to transport the homeless from California where illegal possession is punished as severely as driving over the speed limit. How the homeless are able to afford to travel to Colorado is irrelevant because the evidence that they are arriving in droves, as proven beyond all reasonable doubt in recent news coverage by the Chieftain, is too overwhelming to ignore.

In fact this avalanche of empirical evidence might lead one to believe that the Chieftain’s editorial board is the lone voice of reason on this matter and we should all join them in preventing a marijuana-infused Pot Head Zombie Apocalypse from destroying the quality of life in Pueblo before it’s too late.

Then again, perhaps some members of the Chieftain’s editorial board have taken too many bong hits since the beginning of 2014 and have succumbed to one of marijuana’s well known side effects: paranoia.